The famous Grotto also features heavily, and you might be able to do something about the slightly dank smell, and the fact that it's infested with the DNA of decades' worth of party guests.
Of course, you'll also have to provide enough bedrooms to house your stable of buxom beauties. Alleged to service a rotating squad of seven Playmates, keeping them all happy must be a difficult chore, surely impossible without scoffing down Viagra like Smarties.
This is replicated to some extent in the game, with Hef able to indulge Playmates in a Sims fashion, with such options as 'sexy gossip' and a 'warm hug'. And while you won't actually get to see the old boy throwing them around the room, the issue of sex hasn't been skirted over.
Guests are to be found rutting in a bush, for instance, the crucial areas disguised, much like recent shag 'em up Singles: Flirt Up Your Life. Unlike that game though, there will be no pubic hair or genitals. Unfussy onanists may be pleased to learn that breasts are on the agenda, with the game set to boast nipples that you could hang a wet duffel coat on. These will predominantly appear in the pages of Playboy magazine, with Hef taking a hands-on approach and organising ohoto-shoots in the mansion.
Probably the major selling point for casual gamers and hairy-palmed loners is that models can be dressed in a variety of bikinis, or not. And while the E3 demonstration didn't actually reveal any toplessness, the breast physics appeared to be particularly well-honed, with fulsome udders wobbling like giant plates of blancmange. There's no point having a shagging pad if you're not going to use it, and inviting your celebrity friends round for a knees-up is a key part of the Hugh Hefner experience.
In real life, there are parties at the Playboy Mansion pretty much every week, and this is replicated in the game.
Depending on who's on the guest list, you lay on entertainment -and from our experience, ensure that there's a huge bouncer on the door to stop anyone from getting into the house. It might also be worth investing in a few more toilets, as with only four cubicles available, some of the more unruly element were discovered using Hef's grounds as an alfresco urinal.
After all, as executive producer Chris Boxmeyer explains: I don't think Hugh would like you pissing in his garden. Ah, The Playboy Mansion, scene of arguably finest moment.
Happy days indeed, but ultimately it all boils down to this, a two-bit Sims rip off with animated tits. Hef's generosity or rather Ubisoft's may have made for a memorable evening, but will it make us look upon Playboy: The Mansion any kinder?
If anything, our first-hand experience of the gaff gives us ammunition to point out how unrealistic the game is. Or at least it would if we'd managed to sneak into the house. In fairness, being crammed into the garden while watching German games journalists frolicking in the pool is probably not the authentic Playboy experience, and the game seeks to cover the more intimate side of Hugh Hefner's empire, incorporating his business both in and out of the sack.
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